Clowns
by Deadly Beauty1
Summary: Sequel to Complicated. *post series* Doubts, thoughts and truth are haunting Vash and Meryl, as they wait for his return. V/M Please R/R


..kay..you could say this is a sequel to Complicated, only it's written in a different style: it's half poetry. Kind of weird, but I hope you guys like it. It takes place after episode 26, and Meryl waits for Vash. Obviously, with 'him' and 'her' I mean Vash and Meryl. Oh, and the song is 'clowns' by Tatu. Enjoy.  
  
Clowns  
  
~Can you see me now?~  
  
Staring out of the window, looking in the distance. Thinking, crying and screaming inside, but no tears or sound will come out. Even though weeks pass like this, she never got used to it. Never got used to the constant worrying, where is he now? Never got used to the constant doubting, should I've told him? Would it make things easier? Or more difficult? It's cold around her, but it always is. People talk but no sound reaches her ears. People laugh but happiness is a feeling that deserted her a long time ago. No tears will leave her eyes, no feeling expressed from her eyes. Alive and dead.  
  
~Can you see me now?~  
  
Walking, always walking. Not even feeling the weight on his shoulders, not even feeling the sun burning into his skin. No feelings, only walking, pointless. Doubting, does he want to go back? Will it be home? Will it make things easier? Should he have told her? Questions created a burden, greater than death, on his shoulders. But he could not give up. There were times that he wanted to. There were times that he would just want to be with her. Sometimes, he didn't think at all. What use was thinking? Had it ever helped him? Did it make her feel the way he did? Would he know? He wouldn't, not now. He just walked. With and without a goal.  
  
~All this weeping in the air Who can tell where it will fall Through floating forests in the air Cross the rolling open sea~  
  
Feelings, words and tears are lost in the air. A hand on her shoulder, but she won't feel. A voice saying it knows what she is going through, but it doesn't. And even if it does, she can't care. Because she can't feel. Words are everywhere, her feelings are everywhere, every person feels the pressure, somehow. Somehow, everyone knows it. Everyone knows what happened. But they choose to ignore it, because it will be too much. Words are floating, creating a world. The truth is shaped above their heads, but only she can see them.  
  
And it hurts.  
  
~Blow a kiss, I run through air Leave the past, find nowhere Floating forests in the air Clowns all around you~  
  
Blow a kiss, create a smile. No one will see, but you will know. It will be up there, in the forests of the truth. Can you see? Can you see me, through your thoughts, can you see through the truth? Can you see me hiding there? Thoughts are blocking you, making you incapable of feeling, making you feel nothing. Can you see me there? Can you see me blow a kiss at you? Leave the past, leave the air, leave the thoughts, I did it all, but clowns are stopping me. They won't let me get to you. Where are you?  
  
~Clowns that only let you know Where to let your senses go Clowns all around you It's a cross I need to bear~  
  
The thoughts, the loss, which she chose to see, are too much, but she can't escape. Clowns don't tell. Clowns see. He acted like a clown, he let his senses go, making him see. He can't ignore. Where is he? Is he alive? Why won't the clowns tell, why won't she see him? No world is to be seen anymore, no breath to be heard. Staring, the distance blank. Not knowing is almost too much. Almost, because she will go on. That is what he likes in her.  
  
~All this black and cruel despair This is an emergency Don't you hide your eyes from me Open them and see me now~  
  
Clowns are disappearing, just a second, and there she is. She's staring, no life in her eyes. He knows he looks the same. He can't touch her, he can see her. She isn't real, but there she is. And she gives him hope. Hope to go on. If only she could see him too. Does she?  
  
~Can you see?~  
  
She stares, knowing. He is there. She should be happy, but she can't because she doesn't know how. She sees him in the other distance, the distance of her mind. She sees him smiling, but the image disappears, destroyed by doubts. Do they have a future? Does he..does he see her? Does he love her?  
  
~See me here in the air Not holding on to anywhere But holding on, so beware I have secrets I won't share~  
  
Will they have a future? Will they be happy? Will she love him enough? Won't she betray him, will she stay with him? Her entire life, only to leave him when death comes in? Will she share his secrets? Will they be in the air together? Will she love him?  
  
And will he share his secrets with her? Will he tell her how he feels, will he love her? Will he have enough faith? Won't he be troubled by death? Will they be together? Will they see everything that is inside, or shouldn't they? Will the doubts be too much?  
  
Maybe he should turn around. Maybe he should close his eyes, not seeing her anymore. But, when he looks into her eyes, will he be capable of closing his own? Won't he drown, and give in? Only holding on to doubts?  
  
~See me here pushing you If I then deny I do Contemplate or wish away If I ask you not to stay?~  
  
Things could go wrong. Everything could, everything will, go wrong. An invisible force is pushing her, pushing him, maybe. She should resist. Send away, it is better for the both. Wish away, it will save you lots of pain. Will you turn around? Will you fight the pushing? She will. She turns around, away from the distance. There is no hope, he won't come. Won't come home, won't come into her heart. She won't see him.  
  
~Clowns that only let you know Where to let your senses go. ~  
  
He appears in the distance. Like a ghost, he walks, knows where he has to be. Knows where he should run away. Is it any good? She won't love him.  
  
~Clowns all around you It's a cross I need to bear~  
  
She turns around, again. To the distance, knowing what she will see, then surprised to see another image. Surprise, the only emotion felt in many weeks. Should she run away? Even if she wanted to, she couldn't. She can't do anything, just like a few weeks ago. Not again, she thinks, panicking. She will lose him again.  
  
~All this black and cruel despair This is an emergency.~  
  
He drops the weight on his shoulder, not caring anymore. All he can see is her. Doubts are disappearing, she will love him. Just like then, he doesn't know what to say. He wants to smile, embrace her, but only walks, just like he did those weeks. But the image is real. It is real, and looking at him, panic, surprise, and maybe joy in her once so dead eyes.  
  
~Don't you hide your eyes from me Open them and see me now~  
  
Doubts are raging inside her, crying, screaming. He is here. This is it. Suddenly, she never knew how or why, she knows. He is here. Tears fall from her eyes, and she sees he feels the same. He knows the same. He knows.  
  
~Can you see?~  
  
Her hand touches his, their eyes meet, and her lips whisper:  
  
'I can.'  
  
How cute -_- I know, that was weird. Anyway, hope you liked that. And pleaaaase review? ^_^ 


End file.
